"Fight Outta You ~ Ben Harper"
"I love it."
"Don't let em take the fight outta youu... Just make sure it's the right fight."
"Sac, you're so amazing. It sounds cliche and cheesy but I don't know what I would do without you."
"Well I'm here, aren't I? haha. Abby, can you promise me three things?"
"Sure!"
"The first: pray. Pray that you're broken. tell him how much you may have failed Him. be honest. open yourself up to him. cry about it. feel. it God wants you Abby. I know i'm a bad example of this but if you let God want you, you'll want Him. and that leads to good things.
The second; stop with substances. weed and alcohol take control of you. I found that out this weekend and it scared the shit out of me. as great as having a bowl is, it ultimately won't give you the support you need to progress with your life. Ive been addicted, more or less, to things like this in my life and i know how much comfort they bring. letting them become your sole source of comfort creates dependency, which creates trouble. we know that."
"can i just marry you like now. you literally always tell me what I need to hear. sac I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have take you to smoke with us. I feel so bad for pressuring you into that. I honestly ruined you and I feel absolutely terrible about it.
I know. I'm trying. it's just so hard. I've become dependent on earthly sources of happiness."
"The third; the other drug: boys. see this one i can relate and empathize to very well, cause evidently I can get it. but getting it doesn't make me feel good inside. momentarily, yes, but in retrospect was that girl a good decision? probably not. You know this feeling. my pastor, as shitty as he is, gave a sermon a few years ago on what he called soul ties. you plan on settling down with some prince charming at some point, i assume? with sara, it was harder to love her because of how many guys she'd been with, and because she didn't know a good thing when she had it. i don't want more sara's in the world, and my partner in crime abigail sure as hell isn't going to be one. soul ties, he said, are the connections we gain between people when we engage with the romantically, emotionally or sexually. you know how this goes: you have a little crush one day and it changes how you perceive him from then on. it gets worse when you hook up. these changes in perception are what he meant by soul ties. you are, by choice or not, attached to that guy, and unfortunately for us, those guys (or girls). it was hard to love sara because she had so many soul ties with so many other guys. i don't want any more soul ties with any girls who I can't seriously consider, which is a part of why al and i haven't made out yet. I want to go to your wedding. I want to see you, shining in white, putting all the bridesmaids to shame. i want to sit there next to pat and know the guy you walked up to is the man God wants you to be with. I want him to love you, and I want it to come easily. I'm sure it will, because you're difficult not to like. i want that day to be free of any inconsiderate soul ties, starting now. if think you really are compatible with mr. dude, then don't resist. but like when i heard about you and patrick sandoval, honestly, i was disgusted. he has so many soul ties with so many girls that I knew he wasn't going to value you. i don't want any more soul ties that mean nothing for you. I want you to have the strongest knot you can have someday, with that guy and with God."
"Isaac, I love you so much. and I mean those words with all my heart. you are one of the best things to come into my life in a long time. i'm saving those three things. and those three things i'm going to live by. thank you so much for being the amazing person you are."
and the i love you's and you're such a good friend's and the thank you's commenced.
Isaac:
ReplyDelete"I seem to be able to write only when something is wrong."
Welcome to the writer's world, Isaac. Don't most writers write from that place, a place where things aren't like they're supposed to be, a place that is broken-- even when things are beautiful? We're created for wholeness, and when it's not there, we must do something with our yearning and with our pain. And so people write poetry and songs, they make music, they create art. It is really rather beautiful, this human response to pain.
I love the images you create in your work. I love, love, love them. They are almost always the perfect image, the image that captures the human emotion and experience of what you are going through. The image that will speak to others. The image that will explain a person's own experience to them, using the words they themselves can't find.
So clearly, once again, I see the poet in you. It amazes me that you can express these broken things you've had to go through in poetry. that is a true gift. I love poetry, but I can't write it; it never rings true to me. Your poetry, on the other hand, rings so true and so real and so raw and yet so beautiful too.
I don't know what to say about the pain itself, the experiences you're walking through, the decisions you're making that are, when you think about them later, hurting you in the end. Addiction is powerful and don' t I know it too (from my own experience) how it is a long road back if you start down it. But I also know how guilt can destroy us and leave us powerless and does not help anything at all. I will pray for you, and I can be a listening ear if you need me to be. I can also be there by reading your entries when you post them. I will become a follower on your blog (like stalking ha ha) and then will know if you've posted something.
Isaac, I think the world of you. You need to see yourself as the beautiful and good and loving young man that you are, even with all the choices you've made that make you believe you are not that good person. You are. Never forget how God sees you; white as snow, pure in His eyes. He sees the person you really are, and loves you exactly as you are. That is what the work of Christ is all about, nothing more, nothing less.
Your teach,
Mrs Rooks