March 28

It's been a while since we've kissed. Not that we haven't been together and in a situation where we could, but just that it hasn't been there. Is that on me? I sure hope not. Is it on her? I think it might be. But if it's something she's feeling, why does she feel it? Is it a lack of affection? Is it a constant bad mood? Have I done something she won't tell me? Lord knows I mess up a time or ten but she's usually quick enough to point it out. Why girls like to hold something against boys without telling them is beyond me. It isn't productive for the relationship at all. All it does is create inner pain and resentment for her, and oblivious bliss for him, which isn't helpful. Bitches, man.

Things are looking up, though. I hope.

March 11, 10:2

I remember the first time she told me she loved me. It was over the phone. She was reading me a letter she wrote to me. I didn't say I loved her back because I didn't know if I did. She told me later my silent reply hurt her. If I was there with her in person, I'd have kissed her, or hugged her, or held her hand or made eye contact with her or something. But telephones are for talking, and I didn't know what to say.

So I did my best to console her, which isn't easy for someone who can't find any decent word to say and has to let her hang up on me in silence. I'd have consoled her with a hug, or a kiss, or a hand wrapped around hers, but she was not there. She was in her house, and I was in mine. And that was painful for me to hear.