December 30, early

Sad songs are so much better than happy ones

"The drugs don't work, they just make you worse
and I know I'll see your face again"

"Will I always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged
-
I've looked my demons in the eye
laid bare my chest, said do your best, destroy me
I've been to hell and back so many times
I must admit, you kind of bore me"

"But if you loved me
why'd you leave me?
Take my body
take my body
All I want is,
and all I need is
to find somebody
I'll find somebody
like you"

"Leave me out with the waste, this is not what I do
it's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you
it's the wrong time for somebody new
it's the wrong time, and I've got no excuse
is that alright with you?

give my gun away when it's loaded
is that alright yeah
if you don't shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it
is that alright yeah"

"Just a small bump unborn
four months, then torn from life
maybe you were needed up there,
but we're still unaware as to why"

"I've figured out that joy is not in your arms
I know I'll always ache with an empty heart
I think it's time to run cause I'm seeing stars
I'm seeing starts, watch me fall apart"

"Some things we don't talk about
Rather do without
just hold the smile

falling in and out of love
ashamed and proud of
together all the while"

"Oh lord, here comes that sun again
that means another day
without you my friend
And it hurts me
to look in the mirror at myself
And it hurts even more
to have to be with somebody else
it's so hard to do
and so easy to say
but sometimes
sometimes
you just have to walk away"

"It seems so out of context 

in this gaudy apartment complex

the stranger with the door key,

explaining 'I'm just visiting'

I am finally seeing

That I was the one worth leaving

Well I was the one worth leaving"

December 29, early

Darkness and cold mix nicely because both are unwelcoming, and even though it wasn't that dark, and it wasn't that cold, my friend wasn't being friendly. I told her, and it pained me to say it, but who does that show more about? I messed up, and that's a habit, and to nearly be expected. But her? The one who used to pride herself on holiness, and acting like a Christian, simply letting go of my arm and walking away from me? What kind of friend is that? No friend at all? No, she's still a friend, but not a very good one.

Yet.

"The world is a broken place, and if you don't show that, you're lying." ~Señor Schemper

Showing the world that the world is a broken place comes all too easily. I've seen all the darkness I can want to see and yet showing that there is good doesn't come naturally. Writing about good is boring as hell too because who cares about the unicorn hopping over the fence from green grass into green grass? Now most stories talk about the unicorn going from brown grass to green grass, and that's okay, but something in me doesn't want to show the "redemptive qualities of life." Why is that? Have I never seen nor felt redemption in my life to the extent where I feel the need to evangelize on it? What kind of Christian does that make me? Does that mean I haven't fully accepted myself a sinner, or even worse, fully accepted grace? 

what

the 

fuck

December 28

28 or 27, or something

Here lies a found poem, constructed around 3:32 am and finished when he finished it, constructed also from the random thoughts deep within Isaac's mind:

thought 1: organizing found thoughts by number does not suit the style of found poems very well

bullet b: I don't write enough. But I do like writing screenplays. those are fun. lots of focus required for those ones.

letter c: I think of all the teachers at our homely little institution, you're the easiest to open up to. that's good, because anything else would be hard for kids to show real writing to.

IV: most clocks have IIII instead of IV on them if they're numerically roman

five: girls are the worst drugs

seis: my stomach almost hurts from being so hungry, but i suppose that's normal when i get up at noon, barely eat til dinner, graze after that and don't bring food with me to bed

number seven: this is not a poem. I don't think. or is it? The mystery of writing!

8: Mr. Schemper is very high quality. all around solid dude.

9: I've given up on different labels for each thought, because that's tedious and not the point of this.

10: Abby thrives off other people's pain. I hate to say it, but she's happy when others are not, and she can't get around that til she addresses the issue, but she doesn't even know it's there because everyone seems to agree with her when she points out the flaws in others so she doesn't realize it's a problem, as no one shows her.

11: I hated english classes until Señor Hiskes taught us about poetry.

12: Being polite is literally never a detriment. Ever.

13: I like the word detriment. Not so much the word detrimental cause that's used more, but definitely detriment. good word.

14: People are strange. Life is strange. If you think about how the planet and atmosphere are deteriorating based on human destruction and how people kill people based on beliefs and hatred, it all seems like a joke. Every problem could be solved if everyone stepped out of their comfort zone to help their fellow man. This has been philosopher Isaac, signing off.

15: Not actually signing off though. that's a lie.

16: Olivia Wisniewski is quite possibly the cutest girl I've ever talked to.

17: idk what to write here. adios señora rooks!

December 25

Originally I wrote "When grace entered the world" here, but for whatever reason, all the gift giving and merrymaking seems to shroud the reason for this holiday



while texting:

"Why do so few with whom you speak allude to such transparency? Or rather opacity, for all that is to be seen is visible"

"I couldn't tell ya"

"Perhaps because they fear their true intentions will be ill-recieved? But what is more cowardly than to take one's word, the very essence of their being, the sole remainder when all else is stripped away, and to use it as a mask? A mere illusion of untold thoughts? How devilish an endeavor, to hide one's ideals from the world by poisoning one's tongue

I'm shakespeare tonight fyi"

slightly later:

"Let my words be my lips,
dancing across your own,
to a rhythm known only to us;
our own hidden dance"

December 19

Everyone was excited, but everyone was too cold to show it. Huddled in hoods, mittens and boots, the shivers took place of the adventurous spirit. Ice dripped down from the railings, and carpeted the skin of the aquatic intrusion.

December 18

I've been holding it together for way too long
I've told myself and countless others far too many lies just to get by
I've smoked and drank and objectified multiple daughters of God
The only people I really, really care about are my best friends and Abby
Everyone else is just there, giving and taking as we see fit
I've lost all sense of value and purpose in God, girls, people, and unfortunately, a bit in myself

I put on a mask called confidence and they loved it
It brought me all I dreamed of: a spot on the varsity lacrosse team, more fine women than the I could see, and a sense of comfort I didn't know before
The face behind that mask slowly faded away, to the point where when I did take it off, I didn't know what was behind it
So I filled the void behind it with what was in front of it, taking a piece here and stuffing it there, till the outside was the inside and the depths of my soul were synonymous with the words slipping off my tongue

I don't know the face behind what's behind the mask

I've become the bad guy

December 13

I want to tell you about a friend of mine
One with the biggest brown eyes and an even bigger heart
But for some reason was blind and didn't know where to start

I want to tell you about a friend of mine
One who had such beauty that girls turned black with envy
and guys found no problem lusting over

I want to tell you about a friend of mine
Who had the most beautiful voice
to make me stop and think, "Holy shit she sings well"
as if she had a choice

December 12

There are certain forms that a story can take:

• as movement in tie/development of a character
• As epiphany- and AHA! moment (prior consciousness, creating an allegiance, moment of conflict, post consciousness)
• Visitation (someone comes to town and errythang changes)
• Journey (we're half way there)
• Choice narrative (start with one, build to one, right vs right, wrong vs wrong)

Potential Structure: 

• A B D D C E
• Action Scene: explosive
• Backstory: like a vitamin
• Development 1: Something happens, lots of things happen here... many events...
• Development 2: A choice is made by the narrator, "the third way"
• Climax
• Ending

December 11

Amy:

parents fight a lot

brother left for college

portfolio

one of four lives with backstory

magnum opus:

• theme (social issue)
• backstory
• use dialogue
• description of setting
• awareness of scene vs summary
• plot arc based on modern short story structure
• storyboarding 

Scene: Her parents were fighting, and she wanted none of it. She dropped her math homework after the third yell and stormed up the stairs, burst into the kitchen. Her mom's hands went up as Amy began to open her mouth, but it wasn't a quick enough sign to stop her dad's hand from whipping down with a piercing slap to her mom's cheek. Her mom fell down, wailing silently as the skin turned from beet red to pale white. 

December 9

"There is always room for a story that can transport people to another place." ~J.K. Rowling

Lacrosse
Cars
Snowboarding
Suits
Philosophy
Psychology
Government
Dogs
Girls
Jet's Pizza
Drifting
Lifting
Running
Mountain biking
Organization
College Football
MSU BABY

Connectivity
Progression
Attraction


Historical Narrative
--

Definition: Jet's Pizza
Bread shaped into two small squares, lathered with tomato sauce, smothered with cheese and speckled with pepperoni. This bread is cooked in an oven for a multitude of moments, before being removed, boxed in a cardboard entrapment and eaten by the paying customer.

Dialogue:
Patrick: Abigail! Hello!
Abby: Pattttttttt hey.
P: How've you been?
A: Alright. You know how it goes...
P: Oh. Yeah...
P: Actually I can't say I do know how it goes.
A: It's hell. They take everything from you. Your phone, your car, your friends, your life: all gone. You're forced to talk to these people, who seem like they're trying to help, but they don't know how.
P: Oh that's rough.

PAN TO ISAAC and PATRICK sitting in lecture hall. Room is full of kids writing, PATRICK and ISAAC quietly talk.

ISAAC:
(nervous)
Do you think she'll know we're not writing?

PATRICK:
Ehh probably not. She can't hear much.

December 3

Break any of these rules if you need to.

keep tags to a minimum

do not listen to specific verb rule for dialogue. stick to he said, she said.

do not yield to temptation of adverbing.

USE ACTION TAGS instead.

"I don't want any." and stared straight forward. 

"you're harassing me. I'm done with this," he said defeatedly.

He fell silent "you're harassing me. I'm done with this."

The Early Morning of December 3

"Fight Outta You ~ Ben Harper"

"I love it."

"Don't let em take the fight outta youu... Just make sure it's the right fight."

"Sac, you're so amazing. It sounds cliche and cheesy but I don't know what I would do without you."

"Well I'm here, aren't I? haha. Abby, can you promise me three things?"

"Sure!"

"The first: pray. Pray that you're broken. tell him how much you may have failed Him. be honest. open yourself up to him. cry about it. feel. it God wants you Abby. I know i'm a bad example of this but if you let God want you, you'll want Him. and that leads to good things.

The second; stop with substances. weed and alcohol take control of you. I found that out this weekend and it scared the shit out of me. as great as having a bowl is, it ultimately won't give you the support you need to progress with your life. Ive been addicted, more or less, to things like this in my life and i know how much comfort they bring. letting them become your sole source of comfort creates dependency, which creates trouble. we know that."

"can i just marry you like now. you literally always tell me what I need to hear. sac I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have take you to smoke with us. I feel so bad for pressuring you into that. I honestly ruined you and I feel absolutely terrible about it.

I know. I'm trying. it's just so hard. I've become dependent on earthly sources of happiness."

"The third; the other drug: boys. see this one i can relate and empathize to very well, cause evidently I can get it. but getting it doesn't make me feel good inside. momentarily, yes, but in retrospect was that girl a good decision? probably not. You know this feeling. my pastor, as shitty as he is, gave a sermon a few years ago on what he called soul ties. you plan on settling down with some prince charming at some point, i assume? with sara, it was harder to love her because of how many guys she'd been with, and because she didn't know a good thing when she had it. i don't want more sara's in the world, and my partner in crime abigail sure as hell isn't going to be one. soul ties, he said, are the connections we gain between people when we engage with the romantically, emotionally or sexually. you know how this goes: you have a little crush one day and it changes how you perceive him from then on. it gets worse when you hook up. these changes in perception are what he meant by soul ties. you are, by choice or not, attached to that guy, and unfortunately for us, those guys (or girls). it was hard to love sara because she had so many soul ties with so many other guys. i don't want any more soul ties with any girls who I can't seriously consider, which is a part of why al and i haven't made out yet. I want to go to your wedding. I want to see you, shining in white, putting all the bridesmaids to shame. i want to sit there next to pat and know the guy you walked up to is the man God wants you to be with. I want him to love you, and I want it to come easily. I'm sure it will, because you're difficult not to like. i want that day to be free of any inconsiderate soul ties, starting now. if think you really are compatible with mr. dude, then don't resist. but like when i heard about you and patrick sandoval, honestly, i was disgusted. he has so many soul ties with so many girls that I knew he wasn't going to value you. i don't want any more soul ties that mean nothing for you. I want you to have the strongest knot you can have someday, with that guy and with God."

"Isaac, I love you so much. and I mean those words with all my heart. you are one of the best things to come into my life in a long time. i'm saving those three things. and those three things i'm going to live by. thank you so much for being the amazing person you are."



and the i love you's and you're such a good friend's and the thank you's commenced.